Official Fanfiction Academy of the Nine Kingdoms
by Annalas
Summary: There is a place when they put little fanfiction authors who write bad fanfiction. There is a place, where Relish lives to torment those authors. Welcome to The Official Fanfiction Academy of the Nine Kingdoms. Let the term begin...DISCONTINUED
1. Enrollment

The Official Fanfiction Academy of the Nine Kingdoms

Disclaimer: I do not own the 10th Kingdom or any characters in the show. Please do not sue me.

Disclaimer: This is a spin-off of Miss Cam's OFUM and MUSM stories. She came up with the idea for Fanfiction universities, not me. I have obtained permission from her to write this.

Chapter 1: Enrollment

Jenny clicked on the words Document Manager of her account on She then uploaded her newest story about her favorite character in the 10th Kingdom. Then she clicked the Create Story button and chose her category.

"Okay, let's see now. TV Shows. 10th Kingdom. Romance. Rated PG-13. Summary? Okay, let's try this. Wolf leaves Virginia and marries Lira, Queen of the 2 Kingdom. But will their love last when Virginia shows up to claim what is rightfully hers?' Perfect. Title? Lira. There; all finished." Jenny narrated her moves as she filled in the information.

She sat back and admired her work. Perhaps it wasn't the best she had written (the one about Snow Whites daughter had gotten a lot of reviews), but she was still proud of it.

Jenny yawned and stretched. When she looked at the clock she saw that it was two in the morning. 'Time to go to sleep!' she thought as she shut off the computer. When she turned around, she noticed the scroll lying on her bed. She frowned. Her only scroll was the By Order Of The Huntsman' one she had gotten when she bought the movie of the 10th Kingdom. It was locked up in her closet, though.

She picked it up and walked over to her closet. When she went to put it in it's regular place, though, there was already a scroll there. She pulled it out and looked at both scrolls. 'Odd,' she thought. The one she had just pulled out was her scroll. The other one that was on her bed was an Enrollment Form for some school she had never heard of.

'The Official Fanfiction Academy of the Nine Kingdoms' It sounded like some sort of weird joke to her. Maybe she'd just fallen asleep on the keyboard without realizing it. She had heard of some sort of Fanfiction Universities before from that one person who had flamed her best story, but she hadn't heard of one for The 10th Kingdom. Whatever; it wouldn't hurt to fill out:

Name: Jenny Grehan

Race: Human

Gender: Female

Age: 14

Characters Your Especially Fond Of: Wolf

Description: Black hair, emerald eyes, tall, thin

Favorite Character: Wolf

Lust object: Wolf

Least Favorite Character: Virginia

I have: Seen the mini-series/Read the book/Both

How many times?: Once/Twice/Three/Four/Five/Six or more

I am: Very Familiar with Canon/ Slightly Familiar with Canon/ Reasonable with Canon/ Minimally Knowledgeable about Canon/ What is Canon?

Ever written an Original character?: yes/no

A Mary-Sue/ Gary-Stu?: yes/no

Slash?: yes/no

Favored Relationships: Wolf/OC

I fear (mark all that apply): swamps/swamp witches/being mortally injured/trolls/other (please specify)

Signature: _Jenny Grehan_

Somehow, she failed to read the fine print, which said quite clearly that OFUNK was not responsible for any injury that may occur while in the school.

Jenny set the enrollment form on the table and crawled onto her bed where she quickly fell asleep.

She didn't notice the scroll on her desk disappear.

_squigglystarsquiggly_

Jenny woke up when a loudspeaker shouted nearly right in her ear.

"Get up, you sniveling losers!" A rough female voice shouted.

"Blabberwort! It's my turn to do the wake-up call! get off!" A rough male voice shouted and there were sounds of a scuffle.

"Alright, everyone meet in the Great Hall in five minutes or you'll each get deten--Ouch! Go suck an elf, Bluebell!"

"I should never have left this to you! Stop that! I want every snot-nosed brat in the Great Hall in five minutes or you'll all get detention with the Queen! Now move!" A voice containing authority said.

Jenny dragged herself out of bed, thinking that anywhere Blabberwort and Bluebell were had to be a dream. The other voices had to be Burly and Relish, the Troll king. Didn't Relish die?

Jenny moved slowly through the unfamiliar halls (sleepy and tring desperately not to bump into any walls), following everyone else, and

being herded by mini-Troll's with whips. She was still trying to figure out where she was when she accidentally bumped into someone else.

"Sorry," Jenny mumbled groggily.

"No problem!" the girl, who seemed overly-cheerful, said. "Name's Brooke, you?"

"'m Jenny."

Jenny got into the Great Hall, Brooke right behind her, and slumped down into a chair, which faced a podium, where a lady wearing black and a lady wearing blue were glaring evilly at everyone.

"Welcome to the Official Fanfiction Academy of the Nine Kingdoms, also known as OFANK," said the lady in blue. "I am Miss Fawkes and this," she pointed to the lady in black, "is Miss Anya. Here you will learn how to write proper fanfiction and how not to keep staring and stampeding your lust objects. Our motto is Learning Through Pain.' You will know it, you will remember it, you will fear it. Now let me introduce your teachers for the year."

The teachers came from many characters in the 10th Kingdom starting from Virginia teaching 'Dating in the Nine Kingdoms' to King Wendell with 'Who's ruling What.'

After these announcements was breakfast, in the Dining Hall. It consisted of beanstalk omelette, beanstalk bread, andbeanstalk juice for the new students while the staff had bread, cheese, ham omelets and toast.

"This stuff is disgusting," Jenny said, poking her food and giving it an odd look.

"I'm afraid that it's radioactive," muttered Brooke, who was sitting next to her.

"Speak for yourself! I think it's fabulous!" exclaimed a boy, Ben, who was sitting across from the two of them. Everyone looked at him and shook their heads. There was always at least one odd one.

_squigglystarsquggly_

"And you're sure none of them will get violently sick on the food?" Miss Fawkes asked the Warden.

"Oh, positive," said the Warden. "It might taste bad but it's alright for you."

Miss Fawkes smiled. "Good. I wouldn't want your nice halls to smell _too_ bad."

"Well, even if they were sick we could have them clean it up themselves until the smell's gone," Miss Anya suggested.

"True...but they'd be complaining really loudly and it'd echo down the halls."

"Hum, right."

The two of them smiled. "Let the term begin."

Fawkes A/N If you wish to enroll, the form is here and on the front page. TTFN!


	2. New Classes

The Official Fanfiction Academy of the Nine Kingdoms

Disclaimer: I do not own the 10th Kingdom or anything in that movie. I do, however, own Jenny. And anyone else that's not from 10th KIngdom. Or has not enrolled.

Disclaimer: Miss Cam came up with the idea of the Fanfiction Universities. I do not own them and have permission from her to write this.

Chapter 2: Lessons From the Fourth Kingdom

First Jenny had the Queen in How To Get People To Fear You 101, she went to Assembly Hall One and sat down with everyone.

The girl she was sitting next to, Shayla, had the misfortune to put down half-wolf, attempting to attract Wolf's attention (which was mostly centered on Virginia and their new daughter, Hazel). Wolf had wanted all of his kids to be named after food; he was saying his next son would be Bacon.

Sadly, management had not gone easy on her. Shayla had golden eyes and a tail. She also had a craving for food all the time, and her hair had turned into steel gray. Basically, she was a very miserable half-wolf, in a place where wolves didn't seem to be liked very much, the Queen most of all. The Queen hated wolves because they ruined her plans to take over the Nine Kingdoms.

Speaking of which, the Queen then walked in. She was wearing a purple dress with a high collar, and had her hair in a tight bun, just like in the movie.

"Today, class, you will be learning the best way to teach people to fear you. Any interruptions will result in immediate punishment. The first thing you must do is to have an imposing image. People will not fear you if you dress as a clown. They will laugh at you," the Queen started when a girl raised her hand.

"Yes, Ginny ?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't fear you. Never have, never will. You're just some girl from a movie and it just happens that you're teaching fear to people," Ginny began as the Queen's face got darker and darker.

"And what would you do to make someone fear you?" The Queen asked, lethally quiet.

"Go become a ghost or something. Haven't you watched any horror flicks at all?" Ginny replied.

"Take her away from me Mirror!" The Queen yelled. A hand came out of a mirror standing behind her, and its hand-like thing grabbed Ginny and pulled her through. "That is what happens to any who tell me such! Remember that, and remember it well!" The Queen said too calmly for comfort.

"Now, let us get started. The first thing you must do for people to fear you is to..."

The mirror took Ginny to a place that looked suspiciously like the torture chamber of the trolls in the third Kingdom. Complete with the chair with straps, in which the mirror set her down in. Blabberwort, Bluebell and Burly were stoking the fire and arguing as usual, with Saturday Night Fever playing in the background.

While Ginny was too dazed to do anything, the straps hooked themselves over her wrists and ankles. While she was trying to get out, the trolls decided the fire was finally hot enough and turned around, holding a pair of red hot iron shoes.

They took off her shoes and socks, then they held the shoes close to her feet, so she could feel the heat. When the shoes got cold again, they repeated it, getting closer all the time.

Suddenly, the woman in black came in.

"Ah, our first rule breaker. What did this one do?" The lady asked.

"Insulted the queen. What should we do with her Miss Anya?" Blabberwort asked.

"Do what you wish. I put you in charge of punishment for a reason," Miss Anya said, glaring down at the terrified girl. The trolls smiled evilly at Ginny, and Miss Anya could hear her screams as she walked out of the room.

Shayla sat down with Jenny in the next class. They both had three very heavy books from the Queen's class, and they wondered how many books the King would assign.

King Wendell came in, wearing a white and There was no better way to describe it. It looked like all of his clothes in the movie rolled into one. He was smiling very brightly and at least eight girls, out of a class of twelve, stampeded. Only they ran right into a wall.

"Welcome to Who's Ruling What? Due to constant stampedes, the dwarves of the Ninth Kingdom made a mirror, where I can see and hear you and you can see and hear me, but I am not there!" King Wendell laughed at the girls who were slowly climbing back to their seats and rubbing their noses.

"Today, we will start with the First Kingdom. The First Kingdom is ruled by the fabulous Queen Cinderella. It is the oldest and most wealthy kingdom. Are you all taking notes? Good. We will have a test over this tomorrow. Cinderella is almost two hundred years old. The official color is pale blue. What is it now?" King Wendell said in a bored sounding voice. Tina raised her hand.

"Aren't you a Prince. I mean, you were in the movie," Tina said.

"No! This is after the movie, so I am King! King! Like I was in the last part! Now, if there are no more questions, we can -- What?"

"How does it feel to be a dog?" Another girl asked. Suddenly Prince Wendell, the dog, came up and jumped on her. Naturally they changed places.

"Why don't you tell me?" King Wendell said.

The girl jumped up onto the dog and changed back. "Never mind," she muttered.

"Any other questions?" King Wendell asked, not so kindly. "Didn't think so."

Miss Anya walked through the staff section, listening to the screams of the fangirls and fanboys that dared to get on the teachers' nerves. She stopped in front of a door covered in leather and knocked.

"Come in," the rough voice called.

Miss Anya approached Relish, the Troll King. "You called?"

"Yes, I just want you to know, I am not teaching a bunch of bratty children about or how to anything! They'll probably stampede me or stomp all over my shoes!" Relish said.

"Fine. If you won't teach, you'll just go to Fairytale Heaven, or Fairytale Hell. You see, the only reason you're alive now, is to teach these kids. If you don't, you'll die. Think about it." Miss Anya left the room and slammed the door behind her knocking off eight pairs of shoes.

"No! No! Not my beautiful shoes. Not the shoes! Spawn of the Queen!" Relish roared.

Author's Note: Sadly, the lovely Miss Fawkes has decided to leave us. She has reclaimed her character, Brooke, and will no longer be mentioned in this story. The first chapter has been replaced, and no longer carries her name or her character's.

So I would like to thank Fawkes for betaing the last two chapters, and editing.

Anyway, I'm sorry that I may not get to everyone's reviews, but they are appreciated all the same.

**Replies:**

**Viper- **Hey, there's always people out there crazy enough to protect little fandoms like this one. I hope you have as much fun reading this as I had writing it.

**LittleGinny15- **Thanks for your form. Management is currently processing it.

**Buritsutsunei- **You have a lot to learn, I think. But then so does anyone who enrolls.

**Lady Genevieve Black- **shrieks a mini! Poor Snow Whte.

**Magic-Amethyst80- **I'm sure that this fandom does not have nearly as many Mary-Sues and bad!slash as many of the other, bigger, fandoms such as Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, but it does have them all the same. While Wolf is very hard to characterize, I agree, there are _definitely _things he does not do, such as dump Virginia for some innocent maiden or other.

**Unelaborate1- **Thank you for submitting the application.

**Samus- **Now that Fawkes is gone, you can be my beta. I just want to warn you I am sporadic with updates. If you are still interested, just leave a review.

**Demonslayer- **Ahh! Make the plzs and wazs stop! They drive me to murder! Sure, you can be in the story. But you might regret it.

**Yvonne- **Thank you. It was meant to be.

**Dr. Huff-Puff- **I believe I have already emailed you about enrollment. If you would like to read more of these kinds of stories, you can go to to find other links to different OFU's.


	3. Beanstalk Harvest

Chapter 3: Beanstalk Harvest

Jade fell out of bed when she heard a yell.

ÒTony! YouÕre burning the bacon again! I can smell it from the staff wing!Ó Wolf yelled from the kitchen, which was directly underneath her.

A chorus of howls, growls, and moans followed as the smell woke all the wolves and half-wolves in the prison.

The loudspeaker then crackled on.

ÒListen up. This is Relish, the Troll King. I am taking over the announcements from the snots that call themselves my children. Now, for breakfast today, the staff will have slightly burnt bacon, eggs, ham and cheese omelets, orange juice, pancakes, and fresh baked bread.Ó

By now, every studentÕs mouth was watering.

ÒThe students will have a nice surprise today. Instead of hot fried beanstalk, youÕll be having. . . cold fried beanstalk!Ó Relish laughed at this.

ÒOh, right. Before breakfast, students must report to the Beanstalk Forest and collect their own breakfast. You know what they say, builds character!Ó Relish got off laughing.

A few students dared to lower their hands from their ears, where they had been since the announcements had started.

ÒOh, and students. Whoever does not get their own breakfast, will be given detention with the Queen. Have fun!Ó With that cheery little note, Miss Anya got off the loudspeaker.

After a few more minutes or silence, students lowered their hands and went to get dresses. A few of the stupider ones, simply rolled over and went back to sleep.

Jade didnÕt even bother changing. She knew it wouldnÕt matter, what with Relish and the Queen trying to best each other with a game of Òwhoever makes the students more miserable, wins.Ó Miss Anya had joined, and so far, was winning in the morale department.

Jade walked down into the kitchen, where a group of girls were stampeding King Wendell at the breakfast table.

Struck by a moment of inspiration, she joined in. When she reached the table, she grabbed a few pieces of bacon and ran through the door before the swamp witches arrived.

ÒPssst! Share the wealth!Ó One girl hissed at her, hiding by the door.

Jade handed over a piece of bacon.

ÒIÕm Jade, whoÕre you?Ó she asked with her mouth full.

ÒDeanna. Deanna Bradley. Call me De. Everyone else does. HowÕd you get the bacon?Ó the girl introduced herself.

ÒI joined the Wendell Stampede and snatched it before the minis were called in. Then I ran out here,Ó Jade explained.

ÒOkay. Anymore bacon?Ó De asked.

ÒNope. Sorry. LetÕs go get beanstalks with the others. I donÕt want detention with the Queen. Did you hear what happened to that one girl? She said she wasnÕt afraid of the Queen. . . Ò Jade continued her narrative as the duo walked away.

ÒFace it, weÕre lost,Ó Jade said an hour later.

ÒNo, weÕre not. WeÕre supposed to go to the TrollÕs Kingdom. Then we can get to the Beanstalk Forest,Ó De replied.

ÒBut what kingdom is the Troll Kingdom?Ó Jade asked, exasperated.

ÒThird kingdom. Maybe if you actually paid attention to King Wendell instead of sneaking pictures of Wolf in, you would know that. YouÕre late. Now get harvesting,Ó Miss Anya cut in from behind them.

ÒBut we donÕt know where we are!Ó De whined.

ÒI believe that you will find yourselves on the road to the TrollÕs Castle already. The Forest is just over that hill. Now hurry. IÕll leave Quen and Realish to accompany you.Ó

Miss Anya walked off, leaving the two to look down at the minis.

ÒAhhh!Ó The duo screamed as they ran.


	4. Tina

Chapter 4: Tina

ÒNo, Tina, you canÕt stay here. Not a chance,Ó Miss Anya told her sister over tea.

ÒAnya look, IÕll be good. I promise! Please?Ó Tina begged.

ÒFine. But a few conditions. You will under no circumstances go anywhere near the Huntsman. You will be a student here, call me Miss Anya, and have all the privileges of the students. And you must go to classes. Agreed?Ó Miss Anya asked.

ÒAgreed! Oh, thank you so much Anya!Ó Tina got up and hugged her sister.

ÒAll right, wake up!Ó This was the wake up call, courtesy of Miss Anya.

ÒToday, the staff will have fried rabbit, more omelets, and some fruit. Students, due to unsatisfactory work at harvesting your own breakfast, will continue to have cold fried beanstalk. Classes will start an hour early, in honor of my sister, Tina. She will be staying with us for a while. LetÕs give her a classic OFANK welcome! Oh, one last announcement. Classes will start in ten minutes.Ó

Every student, with the exception of Tina, jumped out of bed and got dressed. Then they rushed down the stairs to breakfast.

Tina simply rolled over and went back to sleep.

ÒSheÕs so lucky that sheÕs Miss AnyaÕs sister,Ó someone named Brittany muttered.

ÒYeah. ItÕs not like she even needs it. She probably doesnÕt even have a lust object. . .Ó another replied, as she walked with Brittany to TonyÕs Platonic Love class.

ÒAll right. Any questions? No, I did not sleep with either Wolf or Wendell. What have we talked about this whole class? Any Other questions?Ó

TonyÕs class had been surprisingly easy. It was mostly just a long lecture about how wrong the world had become; that just because a guy spent time alone with another guy did not mean he was gay.

ÒAnd lastly, list everything wrong with the way you think. And write an essay on how many times in the movie platonic love was shown. Now go eat lunch, or do whatever it is fangirls do,Ó Tony dismissed them.

All of the wolves and half-wolves headed towards the kitchen, while the rest of the class went to either do their homework or plot a way to get their lust objects.

Elizabeth Bradley went to crawl back into bed, to hopefully get some sleep before her next class.

Instead, she found Tina curled up in her bed. Her arms encircled a worn out picture of none other than the Huntsman.

Suddenly, sleep didnÕt sound all that good. But telling Miss Anya about a class skipper did.

So Elizabeth told Miss Anya about Tina. Which was why, later that day, she was serving detention with the trolls, alongside Tina.

ÒNobody likes a tattle-tail,Ó Miss Anya had said as she had handed Elizabeth the slip.

**Reviews:**

LunaSoleil07: ** Thanks for enrolling. Your application is being reviewed now.**

**Little Ginny 12: **blinks Is this a suggestion as to what I should do?

**Silverone3: ** Is this enough?

**Buritsutsunei: **I think so. Things are pointing in your direction. realizes sheÕs looking at it upside down Oh. Maybe not, then. Does this thing even work?

**Goth13: I think you find it so similar because this is a spinoff. See the disclaimer in the first chapter. There are tons of other OFUÕs you could look at. Nearly one in every fandom.**

**Dr. Huff-Puff: DonÕt feel sorry for anyone. They deserve what they get. This fandom is riddled with bad grammar and misspellings. ItÕs the AcademyÕs job to get rid of it all.**

**Samus: I sent these chapters to you, but you never replied. Does this mean I no longer have you as a beta?**

**Miss Anya**


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